How to Crack Wesker as Chris Redfield

This guide was inspired by: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3052995867 but catered to all us Chris Redfields out there. Unlike that guide, tunneling, face-camping, and pleasantly-unpleasant experiences are highly likely with these methods. You’re Chris, after all.

All the gifs are from my gameplay. And yeah, I’m about as obsessed with Wesker as he is with Chris, even if he needs some coaxing to get from enemies to lovers at first. But what’s a reward if you don’t have to work for it?

Obviously nothing you're about to read should be taken serious.

If you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to change your gamertag to something that’ll make teammates question your sanity and Wesker ask why the Entity is doing this to him. The goal here is to psychologically destabilize him so he’s more vulnerable to your attempts. But if being his spitbucket or asking him to spank you is too much off the bat, you could always poke at some lore and be his pointman or something. Really though, you should just let him know you’re a Chris main with unresolved issues, because why else are you reading this guide?

Once you hear that 40m, loudass, main-villain-is-coming terror radius, you only have a few options (and little time to make up your mind).

• Hide like the coward you are:

Some Weskers will immediately seek you out, so being a rat early game could tell you what kind of Wesker he is and what he’s capable of. You can also check him out if you’re stealthy enough.

• Throw yourself at him:

This usually results in him throwing you instead. If your goal is to woo him with your looping though, have at it.

• Find his hook charms:

If he has no charms, your chances of success are all up to you. But if he’s matching with you or has gay ones, congrats - the odds are now (somewhat) in your favor.

Yeah, generators exist. Yeah, teammates might want them repaired. But if you’re Chris and Wesker's in your trial, they're a side quest. Get your hands on a first aid spray as soon as you can, then open chests until your fingers bleed.


You’re going to want to build a mountain of offerings if you want Wesker to even consider offering you his precious time. Hold on to a flashlight if you get one too, cause that might be your saving grace later. It's his favorite gift.

You’re no longer Captain Chris Redfield of the BSAA, you’re Wesker’s bitc.h. When you approach him, you don’t get to stand your ground. You’re going to get on the ground like the peasant you are and acknowledge him for the superior being he is.

Sorry, door was open.

Your spray can is his now. Your flashlight is also his now, but make sure you give his jewels the attention they deserve with a little illumination before you drop it.

That probably didn’t work and you probably ended up on Wesker’s shoulder. I’d tell you not to panic but you’re probably exactly where you wanna be anyway. There’s a good chance your trip will end with a hook, but you still have a couple things to try.

• Don’t squirm:

Accept your fate as his backpack. Sometimes this will result in him dropping you, other times he’ll take you for an adventure, otherwise you’re going all the way to basement (and bitc.h hook).

• Hump his shoulder:

If a hook is far enough away, take the time to spam the wiggle button until your moans get stuck in his head. This should only be attempted by the especially daring Redfields, because not all Weskers will like it.

Maybe you’ve been hooked, maybe you haven’t. Either way, a true Chris main never gives up. It’s time to pull out every trick in the book.

• Stalk him:

Become Michael Myers and watch his every move. Show him you aren’t scared of him and have him constantly looking over his shoulder. You’ll be on his mind a lot.

• Spray can dance:

It’d be a crime to cleanse the gift he’s so graciously given you. Instead, show your appreciation by dancing like a bird doing a mating ritual, because that’s what you’re doing.

• Stand your ground:

If someone like Claire or Jill are in your trial, don’t forget who you are. Help them however you can and don’t be afraid to butt heads with Wesker to do it. You were his pointman once - you might just earn his respect.

• Take him to your shrine:

If you had the time to build a mountain of offerings, make sure you show it off to him and let him know it’s all his. Bonus points if it’s in front of a bed.

• Goof off in chases:

Plot twist him, spin him, locker dodge him, point at him - get ridiculous. Let him know this isn’t a standard chase and you’ve got personality. Killing you so soon would be a waste.

He might be warming up to you now, but if you want some action, you’re gonna have to earn it. Prove you’re worthy of even a shred of his affection and show him what dat mouf can do. Don’t even think about stopping until he allows it.


Sometimes I wonder what oni and huntress were thinking.

Congratulations, you’re not your own person anymore. You’re Wesker’s property. For the rest of the trial, he owns you. This means no more generators, no more getting in his way, and no more being a hero.

No safe words.


No breaks.


No slowing down.


No vanilla crap.


No fighting back.


If you can’t keep up with Wesker, that’s your problem. You asked for this.

Hopefully there’s enough time left in the trial that Wesker won’t remember you just for being a good lay. Now’s your chance to stick with him and try to have a little fun. This is about as close as you’ll get to going on a date with him.

Wesker spared more than seven minutes on you at this point, so the least you can do is die for him. If you really won his heart, he could offer you the gate or hatch. But he can’t follow you through, so why would you bother going?


Wesker has a unique voiceline when he kills Chris for a reason. Thank him for wasting his precious time on you by taking him to a scenic place and offering yourself up. Some Weskers don’t know about the Chris mori, so you might even make their day.

You shouldn’t have any shame left at this point, so you don’t have anything to lose by sending Wesker a friend request. There's a chance you'll get a cool 1v1 or a SWF buddy out of it.

And probably more backshots.

Anyway thanks for reading whatever this is and it'd be fun to hear about your tales of success (or failure). It really a failure though when you’re this down bad?